It’s no surprise that traveling the world as a lifestyle is awesome. Nor that it also comes at great cost. I get the big picture and still think it’s worth it regardless of the sacrifices, but I really need to get more of the good stuff in if I’m going to be able to survive living like this much nger. Refueling the tank is important, right? Right. Time to stop procrastinating on the payoff.
Being told that going after big dreams is hard makes us think twice but in a way that is just as vague as the comment. Every time I leave California, the intimacy of my close relationships breaks and I walk away from my family, which includes growing nieces and a sick father. I’ve also turned down good job offers when not knowing how to keep food on the table or roof over my head. These are probably at the top of the list of the ways my heart has broken in the soul-crushing way that makes me wonder why it’s so important to do this. Once back overseas for longer periods of time, I’ll have more noticeably new splendors to lean on for support and balance of the good that will mend my heart where the aforementioned demolished it. For now it’s a challenge to look past the pain. That being said, it does feel like I’m finally, a year and a half later, fully launched in this lifestyle. A relief after all the trial and error it took to figure out the path best for me to do so. At least to a point that will actually get me there.
The road, as always, has been held up with a ton of detours. One of which has been constant stints of going home to San Diego. While every place has it’s own beauty and charm, I have never found a foundation in a place I love as much as SD. My sister is probably the person closest in my life who doesn’t understand the need to go back there for a few weeks at a time if it means I’m barely breaking even financially when I could stay in the Bay Area saving $500 USD a week. I’ll tell you why. While it delays money saved, I need grounding. I do consider San Francisco my second home, and it’s wonderful to get some time with my family when I am there, but the specific city and house I still stay in when with them continues to be a toxic place for me. I hope I can get rid of those skeletons and change that one day but I doubt it. For now, I just need to go home sometimes to feel safe. Even if it holds me up a bit.
I’ve considered many options on how to fund my travels around the world. Most recently, I have been waiting to hear back from Japan about teaching English through their JET program. Another holdup. At first waiting for an answer after applying felt like a chance to catch my breath. Being as it’s through the Japanese government, it’s a long process that created a window of over a month before my application was processed in order to decide if I had an interview in San Francisco. Well, I just got word a couple days ago that I’m not being moved on and I’ve got to tell you, m relieved. Never drawn to staying in Japan that long (at least not yet) and still set on Thailand, I’m now free to buy my next set of tickets (hopefully next Wednesday) with the plan of departing by the end of March with a visit soon after for a visit new awesome friends I’ve met along the way in London and Paris. A plan that has formed organically from finally being able to let go and follow the wave of experience and opportunity. Something that I’m sure will change my path over and over as I go.
As this post mentions, of course I feel down, weak and in excruciating pain about this venture at times. A big part of me never wants to leave home. I can’t fall into those feelings, though. I started resenting and losing myself years ago for taking so long to take off traveling the world in the first place. If I turned back now, I would be so shattered I would no longer exist.
So here I am. Writing to remind myself that there are countless splendors on the horizon to make it more than worth it. All dreams and fantasies come with hardships once turned into realities. I look forward to getting back overseas where people can relate to that in a way that is much closer to home. Until then, I have this blog and all of you.
VIDEO OF ME IN SF YAPPING ABOUT THIS POST
Hardships Are Hard