“Everything in moderation, including moderation.” Mark Twain
As a “go big or go home” type of gal, this quote instantly gets my nipples hard. Still, there are times when even I need to slow down, regardless of being terrible at it.
Every dream comes with struggle once turned into a reality. In the beginning we are strong, excited and it’s no big deal. Slowly, each step beats us down until we need a break. Switching over to another of life’s hardships while taking a breather from the one that has become too heavy gives us the chance to recover until we’re ready to go at it again. It’s one of the reasons I like to fantasize about the next dream while working on the current one. When still just a dream it’s all excitement and inspiration without the difficult realities of bringing it to life.
I am absolutely “living the dream” with my days being full of beaches, dogs, friends, adventures, art, staying at luxurious places, travels, freedom and nomadic bliss, but I am also exhausted from a year of getting financially pounded while figuring out the best way to fund the international lifestyle that I have wanted for so long. While I know it’s only about me needing a chance to catch my breath, feeling so miserably exhausted and kicked while I’m down makes it hard to focus on the amazing I’ve already created. Something I previously fought like hell for and deserves to be celebrated.
After a rough few months of unsuccessfully looking for work I could do remotely overseas and useless side work for what was expected to be income while doing so, I was relieved when it looked like driving for Lyft and UBER could provide the option to make enough money to travel for months at a time by coming back to the states for two or three months to earn that way. That was until I went home to San Diego just to find that after gas, the cost of the rental car and difference in pay, I was netting negative money. Add to that a ticket for toll road evasion when I was clueless about and auto-generated email threats from Hertz due to errors with Lyft and it looks like I’m once again below ground zero.
Time to regroup, re-strategize and relaunch yet again. Finally fighting my way last minute into all the requirements to apply to teach English in Japan, I have until January to find out if I have an interview for that. If it’s a no go, I’ll probably give another try for the Thailand program I was close to executing now that I know I can get my official transcripts. The question is what do I do for income until that happens. An awesome friend has hooked me up with some amazing dog/house sitting jobs is wonderful neighborhoods but that’s pretty much just covering gas and food to keep driving for Lyft while they keep screwing with me. It’s not enough and not permanent.
Unfailing to add to the growing of people who have told me that my struggles must mean I’m on the wrong path, my father, the one who had originally spun my world off its previous axis and onto this one with a comment about knowing it was time I finally go for it, made a comment about how what I’m doing isn’t working and needing to change it. I’m constantly changing what’s not working to try another way and will continue to do so until I find what does. Unlike those hibernating in mediocre lives of repetition with no passion, those who are most successful and I look up to the most comment over and over about how we shouldn’t listen to that bullshit and that the way I am living is right to get where I want to be. I’d rather die from the fight of trying to get there than extinguish my soul for something that seems easier in the moment. If the path to hell is paved with good intentions, the unsupportive people in my life who are scared of challenges different than their own likely have the good intentions, but I will still remember.
For now, I have to find out how to take a breather. Just for a bit.