THIS IS WHAT I WANT TO BE

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• I want power, I want love, I want culture, I want to do good
• I want animals, I want art, I want balance
• I want adventure, I want people, I want success, I want fun
• I want nature, I want wellness, I want travel
What we want defines a big part of who we are. So does what we choose to do about it.

Do you still want the same things you did when you were younger? I do. I may no long dream of being the leader of a club of girls that wear leather and ride around on jaguar cats or want to own a zoo, but I still want to be close with those around me, love being around animals and crave the arts. As far as fashion goes, I can’t remember a time I didn’t want to wear a different look every single day, including selections from different cultures and styles. And I still like leather.

What’s happened since then? How many of us still have our dreams? It’s OK for them to change, but how do we go after what we’re passionate about, before that fire in our spirit dies out?

For many of us, it’s just a matter of knowing where to start. I wasn’t a big fan of “The Secret”, but it definitely had some ideas that stuck with me. One in particular was the vision board. The focus it required to pinpoint what I wanted, cutting out pictures of those things and putting them together made me think. Having those pictures up in front of me made my dreams real and it still to this day is a constant reminder of who I am and what I want.
I get lost all the time. My writing and that vision board are how I find my way back.

Once we’ve pinpointed what we want, how do we get it for ourselves? Being realistic and realizing we can’t walk through all doors at once are key. I’ve been writing since I was a young teenager and have a dozen unfinished manuscripts sitting around in mothballs somewhere. Finally, after a decade and a half, I got to the point of making the commitment to finish one, regardless of how good or bad it was, or even if it was ever going to go anywhere – I finished. Writing makes me happy and that had to be the payoff.

Another driving force was that I started to not only dislike myself, but also to lose myself. I had to finally accept the sacrifice it took to be true to myself or give into being unhappy and lost.

In order to go after my dreams, I couldn’t be as close in relationships as I like, had to pass on exciting business opportunities, say no to amazing trips and even move away from the home I loved. It’s been painful, but I did it.

As I took this first big step to reach what I want, it turned me in a different direction that I had never been able to see it before. A future started forming in my mind and I saw myself eventually “settling down” in this life I was creating for myself. It was amazing.

Once I was getting close to finishing the book, I started thinking about the other things I wanted in my life. How could I fit them all in and how could I realistically make it happen? I played with different scenarios until the random ideas eventually turned into this e-magazine. The most important sacrifice to getting here was giving up the expectation that it would be a career. That’s not to say that it won’t, I certainly hope it will, but to make it a requirement was way too much pressure.

The novel is done. The most important part of that adventure has been accomplished. As I make my way through disheartening moments of editing and publishing, I have to constantly remind myself of that, and I’m happy because of it.
The e-magazine is up and running. It may not be where I want it to be (your input, both good and bad, is crucial), but I get to write every day and bring other passions together to enjoy myself as well as share with others.

Finally, after all these years and experiences, I’m getting what I want.

What do you want? What gets in the way and how are you going to get it?

ABOUT THE AUTHOR
I’ve always known who I am. I write, I love the arts, I love people and I love travel. I’m passionate and need to fight for what I believe in. I never had a problem knowing who I am. My battle has been fighting the outside forces that would tell me I am wrong.
There’s only so long we can run from ourselves before surrendering and that’s where I am now. I’ve given into who I am and what I love. That is what you see here.

Bobbie White

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